Author Archives: Laura
I know I have recently touched this before, indeed just recently, but I need to hammer it again. Neurotypicals (entees) judge. I think, and all this missive is what I think; how would I be able to test any of this; that judgment is purely automatic to the entee. I think that entees judge so automatically that they do not even know that they are judging at all. I think that judging, whether situations or things or people, comes to the entee with as much mental effort of purpose and direction as does breathing. I think that many ramifications flow from this automatic judgment as made by entees:
- Since the judgment is automatic, the entee has no idea that he has just judged. Should the judgmental entee be called upon to justify the judgment made that entee will be puzzled as to which judgment one is referring to.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. An implication here is that logic and data will be of no use in defending one’s self from the judgment of an entee.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. This means that there are little if any logical precepts applied by the entee while in the process of judging. Judging will be instinctual and emotional and rapid.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. The entee will rarely consider a thing outside his perception in the now of whatever and whomever it is to be judged. Something is not right and there you are. You did it. Never mind that you did not do it. Never mind that you came to fix it. There you are, you are guilty, QED. No matter that your house was ransacked by vandals, it is a mess and you are a poor housekeeper. No matter that a day at work among the entees and their continual assault wears you to the point of catatonia by end of day, you could have dusted the furniture.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. There is little logic applied to the judging. The poor person so judged will be judged by the personal standards of entee who judges. No matter that these are less likely based upon what that entee might do than upon what that entee would do in some ideal world of flying unicorns, the judgment is made.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. Since judgment is automatic, the entee is not in intellectual control of any portion of the process.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. The entee is dealing with any person or situation is the simplest of terms. No complexity is allowed. Entees say that autisstics fail at nuance; that is psychological projection of their part.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. There is probably little need for clarification of anything. The entee will probably not ask any questions. Judgment has been already made by the time the entee speaks.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. If any questions are asked, it is doubtful that any answers given to them will have any real effect upon the judgment, as that judgment has already been cast.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. If questions are asked those questions will not likely be designed to add data so to clear the greyness of the situation. Questions are indictments. Any question asked will be made as a further demonstration of the correctness of the initial judgment – remember that the judgment has been made, in a flash, automatically, prior to the first word spoken by the entee – and to cower the judged. The question(s), if any, will have no potential answer that does not show the judged as guilty. But remember, in the mind of the judging entee that judgment has been made and stands. No matter how the judged answers the loaded question(s) that person is pleading guilty.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. The entee rarely if ever remakes a judgment. Most of the time thee entee does not even know that a judgment has been made. This precludes the entee’s ever learning that he might potentially be wrong. Thus, the entee is secure in positivity. The entee is always right, this is obvious as the entee has always been right.
- Since the judgment is automatic, it is not consciously directed. This strongly implies that little if any logic was employed in arriving at the judgment. Most of the standards of judgment used by the entee are quite entee in nature. If you did not do it as would an entee you are not different – you are wrong. No matter that you accomplished the task; if you got there via a non entee route you are wrong.
- The entee is part of the unquestioned majority. The entee has both right and duty to inspect to probe to nose around and then to judge. You are different and have the right to be judged. The non entee has the right to be found deficient and perhaps even defective.
- Once the judgment is made it now becomes an active portion of the entee’s internal system. Everything which is in any way related to the judgment will now be perceived through the filter of that judgment. Therefore no matter what may constitute reality; reality as perceived by the entee reinforces that snap judgment. The entee has no learning potential and so is always right.
- Therefore once judged by an entee, one is on an ever downward path. This is ineluctable.
Then we live in this pot of soup. We are raised in it by parents and teachers. We live in it as judged by the ever superiors of bosses and landlords and even friends. And all the while is this: we are not entee; we cannot become entee; we fail if judged as entees! There is no way that we can be judged any other way than failed entees! Then the fuckers send little kids to therapists whose job it is to entee them, and when the way gets tough our tribe is drugged for the crime of being non entee!
Wonder why we are not very happy? How happy would you be if the underlying issue is that of your being not autistic and from that simple matter flowed onto you all the specifics above; each and every day of your life. These issues flow so huge and so often that even if you manage a day without a new judgment, your fear your anxiety has still defined your day. Try it.
Can we get entees to be just a little more conscious?
There is a crisis. A crisis is not merely a problem. A crisis is a problem of terrifyingly huge proportion. A crisis is a problem with a time limit; we had best fix it right now – or else. A crisis is a problem that just may not yield to solution, at least not in time. There is always a crisis. These crises are far more alike than I believe most people are aware. Let me present three recent and ongoing crises having large determining effect upon life in the United States of America.
“We gotta go to war! The Evil (Fill In The Blank)s are about to attack! They will burn our cities and fields and rape our cattle and kill our women!”
“Pollution is causing Global Cooling and if we don’t fix it right now the world will all be under an ice; no wait! Pollution is causing Global Warming and we will all be living in a desert!”
“The economy is about to crash! If we do not bail out these financial institutions might lose their jobs and homes!”
Now it may appear that these crises are similar but keep reading and I will point out the similarities.
- They are all unimpeachable. Who in their right mind would want The Evil Fill In The Blanks to come over here to reign panic and destruction upon us all? Especially that part about the cattle? Probable the same sort of rat bastards who would want the entire Earth to approximate the Sahara Desert! Look, bud, this is about more than us; think of the porcupines! *1 And who wants millions to lose their jobs and houses? Hell, martial law was threatened if the bailout didn’t happen! *2
- None of these can be either noticed or refuted by the individual. You and I do not have access to the National Defense Estimates; who are we to question the decisions of our superiors? Sure, you can measure the afternoon temperature on your front porch but that ain’t global, buddy! And do you remember any of the obtuse lingo tossed about by economic experts during the bailout (TARP) discussions? “Trust us!”
- Discussions. Did anyone actually invite either you or I into any “discussions? No, the matters had been discussed and the decisions made in dark rooms sealed from our view. Decisions pre-made and packaged, ready for our submission to our superiors and their plans for us.
- It is funny that the people who are involved in the discussions never seem to be hurt by the consequences of the actions taken as based upon those decisions. Did any of Bush or Cheney go to war and suffer TBI by way of exploding IEDs outside their MRAP? No. Indeed their good buddies at Blackwater *3, and Haliburton have been reeling in the cash as result of the ever ongoing hostilities. Has either Gore or Strong lost their shirts due to restrictions arising from any Global Whatever It Is This Week *4, Hell no! They and a few others are getting richer by the minute. And Gore, the man of rising sea levels just bought a new mansion *5 nearly on the beach. How many of the financial experts who screwed us over with inflation during a period of a couple decades and due to their unethical practices lose anything in the collapse? Hell no! They have been doing fine as have most of the institutions that they ran and run. Check this out! *6
- It is funny that the experts who are the only people qualified to save us from these crises never saw them coming! Did you know that The Evil Fill In The Blanks were going to attack our Whatever It Was This Time? No. So, while you people were screaming Global Cooling, *7 did you expect to see Global Warming? No. So, if this huge financial problem was coming at us for years, did you guys see its approach? No. But these are the only, the ONLY people qualified to solve the crises!
- And it is funny that the masters of deep thinking always have a solution ready just about the very moment that the crisis is announced. They didn’t see it coming, but are nonetheless prepared to deal with it; right now, just as is demanded by a crisis.
- It is also funny that the solution to any crisis is always the same. Government grows in its ability to tax us, regulate us, surveil us, impoverish us. The rich become richer, the powerful become powerfuller, and we are supposed to feel good about surrendering yet more of our rights and freedoms and dollars to every aspect of the system, after all – without our sacrifices the whole place would collapse! Feel good about whatever it is that you have lost. Wouldn’t you think that there be at least some times solutions dependent upon governments and banks and corporations leaving us alone a bit better off? Think again!
- In the end none of the solutions actually work. So in fighting the current Evil Fill In The Blanks we have invested about thirteen years. Think of that, thirteen years. World War Two took about four years of our involvement, and that was against industrially developed nations. Al Quaeda and the Taliban still stand, there was never was, and never will be a surrender document signed. We have killed a hell of a lot of people and tossed DU *8 all over the Middle East, we have instituted horridly un-American measures here at home. For what? Whether it is Global Warming or Global Something Else there are never sufficient measures in place, we need this new one. Meanwhile our environmental standards do not apply in other lands and so air quality in the places that still manufacture can be horrid; but out of sight out of mind. And I think that millions of Americans did lose their jobs and homes; right?
- And: No matter how many times the purveyors have been wrong. No matter how many horrid predictions have failed to become true, no matter how much data has been fudged; that is all in the past. Forgive and forget! We will believe them again and fall for their illusionary crises again, and be screwed again.
- Oh yeah, and one is not allowed to disagree with the specific method dictated by our rulers. To disagree, even if only with the method is to become one of those heathens wanting The Evil Fill InThe Blanks to ride roughshod over an earthly hot Hell with a ruined economy. No disagreement is allowed.
And we have two political parties of note that use crises like boards and ride the population like a skilled surfer does a wave. And we have a populace that watches endless zombie shows and reality television and has no bloody god damned idea of what is actually happening. A person of party may well like the old 1960’s motto, “Question authority”, but only as it relates to the other side’s authority and authorities. And no matter how a person might be disgusted with their party as soon as a new election cycle begins and the ads begin their chant of, “But he’s better than that other guy!”, the good voters will align themselves with one of the major parties and cast their vote for the doom which they see as lesser.
Why do I write all this you ask? Because I am autistic. I have affinity for people of autistic nature and for other people of disability. And I know a truth: “When a society fails the marginal are hurt worst and first.” *9 In a society wherein normal people *10 cannot find a job that will pay the rent; how can a marginal person make it? Yeah. Remain stupid and ignorant ya’all! You are good at it. *11
*1 Not to put too fine a point on it
*3 Now “Xe”, I understand
*4 Global Cooling, oh no it is warming, oh make that climate change, ooh perhaps severe weather – hey: Climate Crisis!
*5 He obviously did not have enough of them already
*7 No, really, check it out! http://www.yourememberthat.com/media/14557/1974_Time_Magazine_Global_Cooling_Story/#.U6jOFPldWSo
*8 If you don’t know what DU is, you should
*9 I made that up, feel free to quote me
*10 Whomever they are. According to the APA there are damned few people remaining normal enough to remain un drugged.
*11 Unless you are one of the few with an eye at least partially open. In that case keep it open, and cry a lot.
Please do not take all that follows as a snap judgment of my own. Nothing is snap about it. I am now sixty years of age and have recollections well for the past century. What I am about to commit to words has been a long, a very long, time coming. I am about to write a very pejorative and perhaps judgmental piece about our friends; the neurotypicals. There is something terrible about these people, a large terrible thing, a thing that is so dark and frightening that I have refused to learn it now for about fifty years. I do think that I have learned it well, at last.
Neurotypicals are judgmental. A neurotypical person is fully capable of arriving at judgments of situations and of people in mere moments. Neurotypicals judge a lot, they seem to have judgement integrated into their operating system at a deep level. They judge. They judge – just to make this clear – us. They judge autistic people. They judge us harshly.
Neourtypicals (henceforth: entees) judge not only quickly and often*1, but also poorly. Let me please list a few of the ways in which I have oft seen them come to less than proper judgments: 1. They judge quickly. Alright I know I already said that, however this is an important point. They judge rapidly, with little conscious thought applied. 2. They judge emotionally, with little conscious thought applied. 3. They judge based upon poor interior models of reference. They see themselves as better than they are and use that as a standard. They see their ideals as standard for judgment, even though they do not themselves meet those standards. Their models of reference are frequently based upon little if any actual knowledge or understanding of anything. 4. They judge with little data about which they are about to judge. They will judge a person without asking that person a single question! If they do ask questions; those questions asked will be entirely entee biased and probably leave no room for a non entee answer of accuracy. 5. This probably ought to be 4A, but they rarely listen to anyone’s answers anyway; their tiny little minds already being made up. 6. They intrinsically see any difference as a negative. Anyone not exactly like the specific entee asking that you justify yourself is obviously an individual reduced from that entee. 7. They include a tacit assumption (That is to say, an assumption of which they are entirely unaware of.*2) that they have the right, and even the duty to judge! 8. No matter how little their knowledge and understanding and empathy; they will judge one of us and our needs and desires only as seen appropriate by them! They see us an annoyance, and may generously allow us a few “accommodations” which is to say that they will make a show of bending over backward to periodically allow one of us to walk without swinging arms or such without having to make a comment to our face. They will let it be known that such an accommodation is a burden that they bear for us. We ought be thankful and probably give praise. 9. Once having judged, they move on. The judgment is forever indelibly entered into their memory. The judgment can never be altered. No matter how much evidence there was prior to the judgment; no matter how much evidence arises after the judgment, evidence in contradiction to that judgment, they will not – they cannot – alter that judgment.*3 I take this as further evidence of the mental impairment of the poor entee. Whatever judgment an entee has made now becomes the lens through which the world, and especially that thing or person so judged, is seen. All evidence thereby becomes positive evidence.*4 Their initial judgment is continually reinforced. Entees are therefore rarely incorrect about anything.
All of this makes them dangerous to be around! Do anything, say anything and you are deficient, you are wrong, you are probably a dangerous psycho of some sort. No wonder parents and shrinks medicate so many of us! Hell, if the chemicals can’t make one of us normal they might at lease cause that autistic to at least shut up and go to sleep and to not be an annoyance. I see no good way out of this. Certainly education of the typical entee is a thing not to be counted upon. As I think of it, I think the only things that I can do are: 1. Stay as far as I can from them. 2. Never tell one of them a thing!
Okay, II am aware that not all entees fit the above description. A lot of them do. And when a harsh judgment falls upon me, the effects can range from inconvenient to terrifying. I will play the odds from now on.
*1 Given that they judge often, speed is of the essence
*2 They do have tiny little minds
*No, really, if an entee has determined that the sky is purple and you show them that it is blue with a hint of white cloud, they will come up with a wonderfully silly and creative answer like: “Well, it may be blue right now. . .”
*3 Minds small but not agile
*4 “Oh that bitch Wanda, she made me this cake just to show that she is a better cook than I am.”
I bought a tablet, a Dell eight inch loaded with Windows eight. It is the most powerful computer that I have ever owned. The tiny thing has full desktop Windows, and can be easily cradled in my hands. It will surf the web, it will wake me up, it communicates with my little Nikon and has a high resolution display worthy of the available slide shows. Further, this is the first touch screen that has ever recognized my touch. Further, there is a thing that it lacked…
It came without anything resembling autocorrect. And then something happened and autocorrect switched itself on.
Suddenly the tiny machine was second guessing my every input. And with this unexpected intrusion I had a small awakening. You see, I found myself having to retype a word over and over again as the automaton ‘’corrected’’ my spelling so well as to turn my intended word I to a word entirely wrong. I found my intended, ‘’previous’’ corrected to, ‘’precious’’ with subsequent loss of the meaning of my phrasing. I found that time and time again the conceptual meaning of my sentences would be corrected into meaningless or misleading gibberish by a machine of very limited vocabulary and no idea of the meaning of what I might write.
Should I continue with the intrusion of autocorrect I would find myself forced to make a decision. That decision would be between these two options:
Type, type, and retype until the robot gives up in frustration and allows my use of words outside its tiny vocabulary.
I give up in frustration and restrict my operational vocabulary to that of the robot.
Oh yeah, that would be good. I can lose words that allow me to develop and express concepts with precision. I could allow myself to become stupider by way of the robot’s enforcement. I would choose not to allow that. Frankly, I was ready to trash the tablet. Then, no instruction book came with the thing, I found the autocorrect off switch. And then shortly thereafter the autocorrect returned unbidden by me. I think it is off for good now. Good. I refuse to adjust myself to the limitations of a machine. I fear that many will not make this choice.
I am going to make this short, if I can. It will not be sweet. I am tired of autism awareness. What does the lighting up of buildings blue do? Nothing! All appearance and no substance. There are people trying to live; trying to make lives for themselves in this world; and it is getting worse all the while. I keep hearing that autism is not a disability; told by the same people always trying to get even more government programmes set up to help us: What The Fuck is this? We are not disabled, we are anyone’s equal, oh please gimmint give us peeps more money.
There is an organization whose very name implies strongly that it is autism speaking. It rakes in huge amounts of money by way of sensationalizing autism. “Give us a hell of a lot of money to fight the scourge of autism!” with no apparent care that its public pronouncements poison the waters that we of autism must swim in.
Everyone wants more money for autism. Money for research, more money to support parents, more money to support those of us with autism. . .
. . .And no one thinks for a second that taxes must rise, and that when tax rises life becomes more expensive, and that the poor are ALWAYS hurt worst, and that people trying to Make their way in society with any disability (especially the invisible ones of Intellectual, Developmental, Learning, Social nature – like autism) are among the poorest. So. . .
. . .Let’s raise the spending once more, raise taxes, increase life’s paperwork and bureaucratic hurdles and then even more of the ID, DD, LD and SD people will fall from the “Barely able to make it” level to the “Needs permanent assistance” plateau!
No one sees that a fully bureaucratic; totally watched; totally governed total state that marginal people are hurt first and worst. We are people of societal niches! Your damnable paperwork, and taxed to the gills society disallows us!
Autism Fucking Awareness. Blow it our your arse.