Anatomy of the Meltdown 8, Detonation

Here’s the problem: I am on a knife edge. On one side is my soft melt; the other side is a violent melt. I am still in a soft meltdown, but I may not be able to stay there. Any number of externally applied troubles, such as one more phone call, would be capable of throwing me off that edge and into the abyss. Also, there are things that I might do which could cause myself to fall!
Inasmuch as this is an entirely hypothetical meltdown, I can cause it to go anywhere that I wish it to. I wish it to be illustrative of a real life meltdown. Therefore I will not allow my hypothetical self to succeed in remaining on the soft side of that blade. I will fall. Furthermore, in that I have used externalities to set me up for a fall, I am about to cause myself to drive me the rest of the way!
I mentioned that I am losing abilities. This is of ability is holistic. I am losing ability to cogitate. I am losing self awareness (In specific, I am losing instrumentation: I am no longer keenly aware of my growing limitations.) . I am losing mechanical abilities. I am losing common sense. I am approaching another problem. To make things worse,I am sitting at home. I am quietly passing time. I feel useless. I am not at work, certainly I can perform just a little easy and mindless house work.
With this in mind I recall a small area needing straightening up. Remove the stuff that I have stowed there. Dust the shelf. Dust the items as I replace them there, with better organization. So I begin. And soon I drop a glass jar. Pounds of flour all over the floor. Broken glass too! This is no good. I attempt to clean the mess. I get glass slivers in my hands and feet. I vacuum the mess to avoid the glass and that much flour destroys my vacuum cleaner. What was to be five rewarding minutes has cost me half an hour, a jar, flour, and my vacuum cleaner. I am in a foul mood. I sit. I feel horrible. I am making mistakes, and the list of them is long. I am down for the day by hours of real work and now a vacuum cleaner!
I have defaulted now to a dinner of soup from a can. It is Progresso and the can has an easy pop top. But as I attempt to pull at the convenient ring I lose control with my other hand. The can slides and skips and an instant later the contents of that can are spread far and wide. Houston, we have ignition!


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