Autism Awareness Month! Light it Up Blue!

I am going to make this short, if I can. It will not be sweet. I am tired of autism awareness. What does the lighting up of buildings blue do? Nothing! All appearance and no substance.  There are people trying to live; trying to make lives for themselves in this world; and it is getting worse all the while. I keep hearing that autism is not a disability; told by the same people always trying to get even more government programmes set up to help us: What The Fuck is this? We are not disabled, we are anyone’s equal, oh please gimmint give us peeps more money. There is an organization whose very name implies strongly that it is autism speaking. It rakes in huge amounts of money by way of sensationalizing autism. “Give us a hell of a lot of money to fight the scourge of autism!” with no apparent care that its public pronouncements poison the waters that we of autism must swim in. Everyone wants more money for autism. Money for research, more money to support parents, more money to support those of us with autism. . . . . .And no one thinks for a second … Continue reading

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The Sea and I. . .

. . . have about the same relationship as do the sky and I. Dreams to be left undone when I leave the world for whatever follows. Loves unrequited. Plans come to naught. Achievements left unachieved. Things that seemed rational dreams that might be accomplished; dreams that in the end may have well been flights to the Moon. The sea and the sky have deep relationship to my autism. These failed dreams are microcosmic views into my life. Ah, I have long loved the sea! I cannot think of any aspect of the sea, or of lakes or rivers, that I dislike. The aloneness: aloneness that in being at least being a real and physical aloneness does not remind me endlessly that I am alone within a crowd. The ability to navigate where I would go rather than where a road might take me. The need to have actual navigational skills lest I end up at one of the great many places that I had no desire to go to. I love the sensory input; it seems to be what I was built to accept. I have been upon the sea. Not far and not long. My uncle, in his … Continue reading

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Sometimes You’re the Windshield. . .

. . .but usually I’m the bug. Years ago I was caring for my mother who was failing from congestive heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and Alzheimer’s disease. I watched he decline slowly; the opposite of raising a child up, I was raising my mother down. To see my mother, my friend, obviously headed to the grave was a torment. I could not do a thing to alter her course; all I could do was my best to slow the descent and to lessen her pain. As I did these things, I always wondered if I was doing enough. I always wondered if I ought to be a little more attentive or patient. I spent ten years with no caring for my mother; I had no assistance during this time. That sounds noble enough. Let me make now a terrible admission. I not only feared the future of having to eventually place my mother into a care home and then prepare for her death. I had another worry. You see, as I surveyed my situation and my past I had to understand (I had no idea yet that I was autistic as no one had bothered to tell me.) that I … Continue reading

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Sometimes a Camera Isn’t Just a Camera

I finally bought a camera. During the past – oh my, is it a year already? – I have had several near misses with a camera purchase. I have pondered deeply the Fujifilm X – M1, Fujifilm X20, Fujifilm X – Q1, Fujifilm F900EXR, and finally bought a just out of production Fujifilm HS25EXR. I am usually a bit of a Nikon partisan and so considered their P7800 and P530, and even (Gasp!) looked at Canon G – 15 / 16. But I will admit that I was kindasorta mostlymaybe looking at cameras from Fujifilm. About a year ago I thought of doing some astrophotography, that is a strange corner of photography and the study of this little area led me to a deeper understanding of digital photography than usual for owners of digital cameras. Oh well, I am and Aspie and do not at all mind learning such things as this. Bear in mind that my past includes photography; including lithographic photography, a type as strange and specialized as astronomical. Indeed, the face that I have made mechanical colour separations assisted me in understanding just what Fuji has done. Not all cameras, but X Trans and EXR models lack … Continue reading

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Ahh, just one more thing. . .

Just a couple of things that bother me. Firstly, people always making statements about how perfect life is. I assume that life is pretty good for these people.* A person for whom life is pretty good most of the time is likely to assume that life is pretty good pretty much of the time for everyone. Let me assure you that it is not. There are people in this world suffering from birth defects, diseases and long term damage resulting from diseases, pain and disability from birth or disease or accident, abuse of some sort – and I would insist that child abuse is the worst – or long term effects of such abuse, from any of a myriad of prejudices and biases, the life damaging effect of being raised in poverty, getting caught by the cycle of poverty, living in an area in which any form(s) of government have decided to have a war of some sort, being victim of criminal action, long term deleterious effects of poor choices made long ago when the person was young and ignorant, death or injury of a loved one, perhaps a loved one upon which the survivor is dependent,. . . So … Continue reading

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